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now i stole it   
09:50pm 01/01/2006
 
mood: empty inside
music: relaxation music
I confess that in 2005 I... ( ) stayed single ( ) got your first kiss (x) kissed someone new ( ) made-out for the first time (x) made-out in/on a car (x) kissed in the snow (x) kissed in the rain ( ) fell in love (x) had your heart broken (x) broke someone else's heart ( ) had a stalker (x) had a good relationship with someone ( ) questioned your sexual orientation ( ) came out of the closet ( ) gotten pregnant ( ) gotten someone else pregnant ( ) had an abortion ( ) gotten married ( ) had a divorce ( ) had a gay marriage ( ) kissed someone of the same sex (x) dated someone you'll never forget (x) done something you've regretted (x) lost your true love ( ) lost faith in love ( ) kissed under mistletoe WORK/SCHOOL (x) got a promotion (x) got a pay raise (x) changed jobs ( ) lost your job ( ) quit your job ( ) dated a co-worker ( ) dated your boss ( ) dated your boss' daughter/son ( ) got fired from your job ( ) got straight A's (x) met one teacher you really like (x) met one teacher you really hated (x) found the subject you love ( ) failed a class (x) cut class (x) skipped school ( ) got into a fight with a classmate (x) did something you were proud of ( ) discovered a new talent (x) gave the teachers a reason to teach (x) proved yourself an idiot. (x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class. ( ) fell in love with a teacher ( ) got lead in the school play ( ) made a varsity team (x) were involved in something you'll never forget OTHER ( ) painted a picture ( ) wrote a poem (x) ran a mile (x) listened to music you couldn't stand (x) double-dipped ( ) skinny-dipped (x) went to a sleepover ( ) went to camp ( ) threw a surprise party (x) laughed till you cried (x) laughed till you peed in your pants ( ) visited a foreign country (x) visited a foreign state (x) cooked a disastrous meal (x) lost something important to you. (x) got a gift you adore (x) realized something new about yourself (x) went on a diet ( ) tried to gain weight ( ) dyed your hair (x) came close to losing your life ( ) someone close to you died (x) went to a party (x) drank alcohol (x) drank alcohol underage (x) got drunk ( ) got arrested (x) read a great book (x) saw a great movie ( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry ( ) saw your favorite band/artist live ( ) saw someone famous in person (x) did something you want to tell everyone ( ) Enjoyed this year overall so my year wasnt that exciting. It was ok but it definitly wasnt the greatest. And New Years was fun but it sucked at the same time. Didnt get a kiss from the girl i wanted too, passed out on the floor, throw up on the floor where i passed out, and made some BIG mistakes the few days before. umm yeah im a dumbass for those mistakes. And i dont want to talk about it. sorry but i dont. And for some odd reason, i feel like theres something missing inside me. Theres a whole there that wants to be full, and right now its like its full of butterflies. Theres someone i want to be with but im not sure if she wants the same. i dont know what to do anymore. well i guess thats about it. Hopefully ill talk to you guys soon.		  
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i miss   
01:26am 23/12/2005
 
mood: lonely
music: T'ai Chi ( my relaxing music)
I hate being lonely. i miss being with someone so much.
i miss having someone to be with.
i miss having that special someone to talk to.
i miss being able to be close to the one you care about.
i miss kissing that special someone.
i miss staring into that special someones eyes and thinking how beautiful she is and how lucky i am to have her.
i miss being able to hold on to that one person.
i miss rapping my arms around that someone and never wanting to let go.
i miss being happy.
i miss staying up late and laughing.
i miss having someone to care for when they are upset or not feelin well.
i miss loving someone.
i miss having a girlfriend.
i miss......................................................everything		  
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Females. U can get them and u cant live without them.   
11:06pm 29/11/2005
 
mood: severly depressed
music: "How You Remind Me" Nickelback
I hate females, but at the same time i love them. SO yeah ive been having loads of fun with stef. NOT. youv already heard the long story about the date the other day. and well it gets better. I didnt talk with her at all on thurs, friday or sat. cause we both had other thing sgoin on. So i wasnt upset at all. So i called her sun afternoon cause we both had tio work in the evening. and again i hear "ummm yeah." what now. "yeah ive made up my mind now, i cna think clearly. And i think i want to get back together with my ex." WHAT, u mean the 26 year old with a kid. u mean the guy that doesnt want to take u back. ding ohh thats your all about. Your the type of girl who wants only what she cant have. I was seeing other people and she wanted me then, so i pursued and made myself available. NOw her ex doesnt want her so she wnats him now. Thats just perfect. this was all just my thoughts. so i then asked her so what was wednesday, was that anything. "well, that was a mistake." well fuck u too then click. so yeah nobody now for Adam. God i hate that. I never expected in my entire life to be able to say that i miss being with somebody. well i think i may try the whole dating thing. no commitments, i just need someone ythat i can talk to is the only problem. I like having osmebody that i can see and tlak to all the time. on the plus side. i think may have found somebody that i can talk to. we've been playing basketball everyday now out at LLCC and theres this one girl that usually was offly quiet but still talked amongst the group. and the other night we all went out and went bowling. and afterwards me, ray, her and her friend hit st and sh to get some food and just talk. well ray finally got pissed off and left cause he wants her friend but she doesnt want him. so her left and then the three of us sat for a little longer and talked until her friend left. so we were standing outside talking rays and her friends problems and then it started to snow so we got into her car and just sat in st and sh parking lot and just talked for the next hour and a half. I loved being able to do that. I needed it so badly. I dont like her a dating material but i feel like i can tlak with her all day and have no care in the world just like a great friend. Like we all used to be. I miss our st and sh nights. I miss talking with everybody. God i need somebody to talk too. just to talk with no care in the world. im just really depressed right now. ill be ok. lol i just need to find a g/f and ill be ok. ok well i had better go i have an anthropology test tomorrow that im not even close to being ready for so ill talk to u 2 later		  
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I love my life now.   
02:53am 24/11/2005
 
mood: ecstatic
music: " We Be Burnin' " Sean Paul
Isnt it life funny. ONe minute its completely in the gutter and then your on top of the world. and all because of one person. Heres the basic low down i was called stef on MOnday night to just talk and set times for our date on wednesday, when i called she was on the other line so i called back like half an hour laterand this time she answered. And the first thing she says "Ummm yeah about wed." I knew exactly whst was coming. She couldnt go becuase her ex was in town and wanted to see her. And of course in my mind that means shes going to go have some "fun" with her ex and break off our date. So i was royaly pissed. i didnt want to talk with her for a long time after i heard that. I actually sent her a text saying dont be expecting me to call for a little while and i think any chances of us happening in the future may have just been ruined. I was pissed. So i went onto to school trying to not think about it. Just trying togo on with life like nothing happened. Went onto work still kinda mifted but i was pretty much over it. SO that night i went out to mowies, had a drink and shot pool by myself for about 2 hours. When i got home i pretty much went straight to bed.

The morning I woke up and happened to check the caller id on my home phone and there was stef's number which really through me for a loop cause i was not expecting that at all. So i called her but of course she didnt answer cause she doesnt have too many minutes to use during the weekday because her and her rents share minutes. SO i just left a message saying that i was kinda confused to see her number on the caller id and for her to call me back sometime today. And about 3:00 she called. which was weird cause she never calls people at all let alone during the day. And as soon as i answered she apologized. She said that she understood why i was upset. and wanted to know if i still wanted to go on a date with her. SO i said that i would. So we drove around for a while cause she doesnt like to go to movies and anything so there wasnt much left to do. Thats alirght though cause i like her mustang. We finally stopped out by the lake and talked for a while. And towards the middle of our time there we both got really silent and just kinda stared at eachothers eyes. And i did the only thing that i wanted to, I kissed her. The rest of the night we talked and kissed some more. So yeah, im a little happy right now. I have a gorgeous girl who likes me, im passing all of my classes. I just accepted to UIS. I start there in the spring. Life is goin great right now. I couldnt be happier. IM at one of those high points in my life.		  
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11:14pm 19/11/2005
 
mood: excited
hey to all two of you who read this. lol i know thats said. oh well. just thought i would update this cause i havent for a while. well let's see i have finally reached that point where i can be completely legal. in other words io just turned 21 on thurs. SO yeah for me. work sucks, i still carry both jobs and working that much plus school really sucks. and then when u try and through in there a girl. it just makes life so much fun. Yes ive met someone else, ohhhhh ahhhhhh. Her name is stefanie gee go figure. and she goes to springfield college in illinois. so yeah for me. oh yeah i almost forgot i got my acceptance letter to UIS. So i start there in the spring. Im finally out of the Losers Last Chance at College. Sorry Steph, i mean its not that bad, you get a good edumacashion there. so anyways thats the basics of whats goin on. nothing too great and extravigant, so ill ttyl.		  
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life is just way to confusing   
12:09am 13/10/2005
 
mood: excited
music: Serengeti (its from my studying cd)
yep

i hate life. One minute it is all mean and depressing and the next, your on top of the world. So the last time i updated this i was kinda in a weird mood, and i wanted to apologize to steph for that. I was just going through a weird time in my life, just a lot of bad things were happening at once, and i didnt handle all that well in some cases. So sorry to steph. ok back to reality.

yeah so now my life is sky high. last week my computer finally crashed completely. SO i was life umm yeah ok, now what do i do. So i called my grandpa and asked if i can borrow the mopney out of my college fund. and he said that it was ok. So now i have a brand new computer. so yeah for me.

and also today, i had my second interview for the security position at sears. And after the interview, he hiredd me. So now il prolly be working at both jewel and sears. Cause sears isnt goin to pay me enough yet. and i just got a major raise from jewel so i dont want to cut down my hours there.

and actually i few minutes ago i was playin poker online and i just won 25 bucks. So yeah for me.

however on the bad side of things i have a philosophy midterm tomorrow that im not looking forward to at all. but we'll see. it might not actually be that bad. So for the two of you guys who read this. there u go, theres a quick catch-up of what has happened since i last updated. so ill ttyl then.		  
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please read me steph   
03:41pm 26/09/2005
 
mood: depressed
yeah, i would definitly have to say that life does officially suck right now. i know some people say that it sucks cause u nmade it that way, but thats not necessarily tru. Sure i may pile more thigns onto it, but its not all one persons fault. Example i just found out that my brother the one who is now back in town has gotten hooked on crack. that has nothing to do with me. Thats not my fault, but u know what it definitly puts a damper on things. but the me piling things ontop of it is definaitly my fault. Im the stupid one for that. Oh boy am i stupid for that one for that. I made the mistake of believing that there was feelings there that really werent. or at least mutual feelings that werent there. ex. i like this girl. She prolly knows it, but thats prolly my fault, cause wheni like someone i tend to make it obvious. anyways. So a few weeks ago i started hanging out with this girl. Cause she was also an old friend and i havent really done that for a while. So it was kinda nice. I went over and made her dinner cause she said that she liked chinese food. So i made her some. And i at least thought that we had a good time. So over the next couple of weeks. Ive been trying to do something else with her. but with unsuccesful atttempts. Ive had to go to her work and leave her a note cause her phone wasnt working, ive tried going to were i thought that she would be , Ive tried calling her when i get off work, befre i go to work, texting her in the middle of the day. and she never calls me back or anything. ive even left anonymous replys on her live journal syaing that i like her and what she thought about it. and that was thrown back into my face. so that all comes across to me like she saying "umm sorry but no." and i dont know waht to do anymore. I mean i want to be her but i also dont want to lose her as a friend either. So if thats all that its goin to be please just tell me, and i can push those feelings back like i had to in the past when i was with lauren. so steph please let me know what u are thinking, im in the dark here on this one. so im letting u know, i like u, but it seems to me like u keep avoiding me. so there it all is. thats why my life sucks. My brother is on crack and the girl i like is avoiding me. how could it get any better. Im just waiting for smething else, i know that somethign else is coming. SO bring it on, let me have it. give me tyhe worst cause i know its coming i can feel it.

i know3 that this all may sound kinda weird, but its how i feel. its whats goin on. Its me, its how i think, its how my life is. Somethign goes wrong, something else piled on top, and then theres always icing on the cake and im just waiting for that icing. Thats how its always been in the past so i expect it to happen in the future. cause in the past the future has been like the past. little somethign i learned from my philosophy class. so stepgh if u read this please come and talk to me.		  
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i love chinese food   
07:53pm 23/09/2005
 
mood: bouncy
music: "tide is high" atomic kitten
well i do, actually im eating it right now. and its good. mmmm, im having orange chicken. mom wanted chinese food, and of course im not goin to pass up a chance to get free food, especially food that i like.

anyways, ok hopefully final update about my brother. He has now reached here. Where is is living im not wuite sure, but he is in town now, so yeah for that. but theres a weird little coinsidence that happened with this whole event. ok everyone by now has prolly heard about this hurricane rita by now, and hopefully u all know thats its supposed to hit down in the texas area. Well were sayin as of yeasterday, that it was supposed to hit in galveston texas. Heres the weird part, thats where my brother was living. nd if i hadent sent him down the money, he would have been stuck down there in the hurricane. So now im definatly rather glad that i did do that. so theres that. I dont think that anybody really cares, but hey now u know the rest of the story.

well my computer is a piece of crap. It is constantly freezing on me. It especially sucks when im playin poker online and then it freezes, cause by the time i get back on, im all out of the tourney.

my neice is staying at my house tonight, and for those of u who didnt know, yes i am an uncle. i guess my sister in law her other kids this weekend, so we get to watch over sophia. Oh heres a funny thing about my sister in law. For those of u who know the southern end of springfield, not that long ago we had to move her out of her old apartment, cause DCFS wouldnt let her stay there any more. So what did they do. They found her another apartment. and guess where it is. It on 19th and south grand. In other wards right in the heart of the ghetto. I just think thats hilarious. anyways

ok well im done now, im goin to go play poker for a while.		  
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in the beginning there was adam and eve, not adam and steve   
03:41pm 21/09/2005
 
mood: apathetic
music: green day
i got that quote from a friend of mine last night at work. Cause somehow we got on the topic of gay marriages, How i have no idea. anyways i thought that it was funny.

well i got back the results from my anthroplogy test today i got a c which i figured i would, i didnt expect to do very well on it. So im ok with that.

and too all who are interested, i'll finish the results of my little dilema about my brother from yesterday. It ended up that i couldnt get ahold of my uncle in chicago, so i called my aunt back and she said that they decided that couldnt afford to lend him any money, cause they are about to foreclose on a house and they cant afford to do that right now. This was after about an hour that i foud this out, so i was kinduv upset about that. BUt i got over it and called zach back and tried to think of another solution to get him home or at least money. So i called my dad and he i asked if i could hold off on giving him truck payments for this week and send zach down some money, so that he can get home, cause i care about my brother and ive wanted him to be home ever since he left for texas. So after mnuch talking he finally said that it was ok. so i went to a western union and was able to somehow scrounge up 100 dollars to send to him. And now the only problem that i wish that i woud have thought about when i was on the phone with him was is really coming home or is this another trickery to get some money. And im still waiting to find that out, i should know within a couple of days. ANd im just hopin that he actually is coming home, its not the money that im worried about, its whether or not the mnoney is being used for its intended purpose. so thats the update on that.

in other news, well actually there really isnt any other news. so i dont know. i have too work tonight and i dont want too, although it is for something that i like doing. I get to do tags tonight, oh and tone of the best parts i get to be in charge of the store tonight. Cause all the managers are done at 6 and im there till midnight so they're leaving me in charge. So im excited about that. So nobody come in and rob us or i might have to ruff u up. im just jokin. But u can come in and see me though for those of you who can . OK well i had better be goin so that i wont be late for work.		  
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life just loves to throw u curve balls   
01:48pm 20/09/2005
 
mood: indescribable
music: "Holiday" by Green Day
I love life, its just so funny sometimes. ok heres one of todays problems. My brother moved down to texas about 2 years ago now or so. something like that. and he is now on his way back home cause he broke up with his g/f, theres another big comlicated story for ya. but anyways, and he is now about a quarter of the way home and he has run out of gas at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Of course he has no money, cause he never really does anyways, and he just called askinbg if he can borrow some money to fill up his gas tank.

problem 1. My credit card is maxed out, Or at least close i dont have enough funds on there to fill up his tank so theres goes me. My dad wont let us use theirs cause he is upset at zach. ok well we are trying my aunt and uncle on chicago to see if we can use their credit cards and we'll send them the money to cover it. But another problem comes up patty doesnt keep their credit cards her husband does. OK so we call him. "Hey call me back about ten min." ok thats fine. it has now been about 30 min and i cant get ahold of him. gee go figure. so right now zach is stranded in who nows where with no money and gas to get home. well thats just great.

problem 2. This is more or less a stupid comment about zach, but WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PLAN ON COMING HOME AND HAVE NO MONEY IN WHICH TO DO IT? that is so stupid, anyways

ok now back to reality for the rest of the world. I really dont have much to talk about, i had philosophy today which i think that im getting but u never really know until test time comes. so we'll see. well i guess that im done for today or at least right now. Im going to keep on trying to get ahold of my uncle and maybe get this issue resolved. so anyways have fun in your own little worlds people, cause mines a blast.		  
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well isnt life interesting   
04:02pm 19/09/2005
 
mood: depressed
music: Wake Me Up When Septmeber Ends
well this is my first entry after all so im not going to get into how much life loves to throw things right back into your face. And go hah, I dont think so. But life just loves to be cruel, oh well ill get over it. maybe ill just build a bridge and get over it. or ill do the lazier way and just lay down and take a nap.

so anyways, college is alright so far. I hate all of my classes but i think that im doing ok in most of them anyways. I had an anthropology test today and probably just squeaked away with a C. I hate that teacher, i like the class but hate the teacher. The more i listen and "read" in that class. the more im starting to realize that my little interest in japanese cultures is pretty much like an anthropological interest in japan. So if i forgot everything else about this semester (which i proly will) I'll at least know that now.

Oh i felt good about myself the other day. Just for grins i went online and took an online IQ test, and found out what my IQ was. I scored a 136. I was happy cause about 95% of people range between 70 and 130. I felt special. If u want to know yours too go here and take the classic IQ test <http://web.tickle.com/tests/> . Let me know what your score is if you do, cause im interested to see what other people get.

Well i guess that im done for know, id had better go and do absolutly nothing cause i have a night off of work for once. YEah for me.		  
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  silverkatana
 
 

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